But, that might be to your advantage. At least it might keep me from being like the guy who had seven rules for raising kids, and then he had seven kids and had no rules. While there is certainly a place for counseling, there is the danger that advice can be long on theory and short on practical experience. With this in mind, I’ll mention a few things that have worked for us.

1.The first concept involves commitment. From the start, we have been committed to making our marriage work. It has never been considered a trial relationship. Even when there are problems, it is assumed we can work them out, and that bailing out is not an option.

2.Respect is equally important. Respect means refraining from anything that would cause one’s spouse to lose face or to be embarrassed (especially in public). But it also means doing those little things that make the other person feel important and appreciated.

3. Communication has also been a big part of our marriage. We have always been able to talk it out and it has kept

us together, even at times when life has been a roller coaster. Unfortunately, many have walked when they should have talked.

4.Finally, though many other things could be mentioned, independence must be added to the list of things that work in marriage. Even though spouses come to naturally depend on each other for many needs, healthy relationships provide space – often. In children, smother love has been known to bring on asthma. In marriage it causes resentment.

As I said in the outset, these are things that have worked for us. You could probably add to the list. However, whatever we might add to the list would likely be an additional manifestation of one common quality – absolute devotion to one’s spouse.

BARBER-OSOPHY: The best advice in the world won’t work if we won’t.

About the Author
Terry L. Sumerlin is the author of "Barber-osophy," a columnist for the San Antonio Business Journal and a humorist/motivational speaker. www.barberosophy.com