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Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man |  | Author: Ian Kerner
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Category: Book
List Price: $15.99
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Seller: awesomebooksusa
Rating:  31 reviews
Sales Rank: 14911
Media: Paperback
Pages: 224
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.3
Dimensions (in): 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.8
ISBN: 0060834390
Dewey Decimal Number: 613.96
EAN: 9780060834395
ASIN: 0060834390
Publication Date: March 1, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| • | ISBN13: 9780060834395 | | • | Condition: NEW | | • | Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark. |
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Product Description
Transform Yourself from "Passion Victim" to Passionista! In the smash hit She Comes First, Ian Kerner singlehandedly waged battle against male sexual "ill-cliteracy," and women everywhere benefited from his "viva la vulva" philosophy of female pleasure. Now, in Passionista, it's time to learn all about what turns men onâand makes them stay on. In this point-by-point, "blow-by-blow" guide, Kerner makes giving as much fun as receiving as he covers every angle of male sexuality, unlocks the secrets of satisfaction, and offers knowledgeable answers to the questions every woman wonders about. His advice is the closest you'll ever come to waking up in a guy's skin and knowing what truly makes him sexually tick. Written in the same witty, insightful, and utterly readable voice that has made She Comes First and Be HonestâYou're Not That Into Him Either so popular, Passionista is the empowered woman's guide to enjoying sex to the fullestâand ensuring that he does the same.
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Showing reviews 1-5 of 31
 Enjoyable and Refreshing October 3, 2009
dragonfly (California)
Dr. Ian Kerner puts into words what women are thinking but have not or could not convey to their male partners: Great sex is integral to a relationship based on "intellectual , emotional, and spiritual compatibility." Kerner outlines techniques and ambiance but only after explaining the male sexual anatomy, physiology, and psychology and emphasizing the cultivation of intimacy and desire.
I found it revealing to peek into the male psyche, as Kerner delves into the male-side of the sex story, addressing the differences in how each gender feels about or is influenced by sex and porn, fantasies and penis size, and sexual excitement and love. It was interesting to have the "family jewels" pointed out as both the center of control, the driver of desire, but at the same time, as a locus of vulnerability and sensitivity. (However, the "vulnerability and sensitivity" may only refer to the physical, rather than the emotional for some.) And, it was rousing, almost stimulating, to hear that for men in long-term relationships, "the sex act is the primary conduit for expressing their feelings... [a] path to achieving a true sense of intimacy with a romantic partner."
Now having armed yourself with the knowledge of what "he" feels and deals with, Kerner rubs the female ego with "women, be fierce" anecdotes -- anecdotes about the Woman on the Shaky Bridge and the White Tigress and, despite the gender gap and an even greater sexual gender gap, encourages women to teach their man about "global orgasms" and to begin foreplay outside the bedroom. That is, to explain to make love, not with their penises, but with their entire selves, and that foreplay is the mental component of sex and is about infusing the relationship with a lust for life.
As Kerner states, "Passion is born in the mind, [and in] a healthy, long-term relationship, desire isn't about fulfilling a need to have sex, but rather desiring sex with a particular person [because] sex is ideally a holistic integration of emotional desire and intimacy, intellectual spark and creativity, sensual and physical arousal." At this point, he's preaching to the choir. And I start wondering what he wrote in his first book She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, which now I'll have to read to ensure he sent a message I agree with.
In an amusing tone, Kerner reminded me that men have issues and specific desires as well as differences in sexual needs and approaches, especially if there are differences in personalities, such as a Thrill-Seeker versus Familiarity-Lover. And that the sexual relationship is the culmination of the relationship itself. That is, a healthy relationship begets a healthy sexual relationship. A healthy sexual relationship represents a healthy relationship. And, that hinges on mutual communication, trust, and respect.
I gave a 3-star because it wasn't revealing but an amusing read - a good refresher for those who are in long-term relationship, and I suppose it's enlightening for those who are starting out.
love maps, the shaky bridge, and an ever expanding universe September 16, 2009
Auntie Claus (seattle, WA)
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Like She Comes First, while there is a physical "how-to" element (Ch 12-16, 17), it is the insight and attitude of the author that makes this book as valuable as it is. There is plenty of valuable information on the male psychological/cultural components of sex: his fear of rejection that prevents him from sharing his fantasies, his anxiety over everything from the size of his penis to the firmness of his [...] to his stamina, his pressure to perform and stay in control, his permanent tension, his homophobia with his own body, and how "what should be appreciated and savored is often consumed ravenously like a condemned man's last meal." (p. 28)
In particular, though, it his attention to the long-term relationship that I found most interesting:
The Shaky Bridge
"...beneath the layers of linens that cover our conjugal beds, there lies a shaky bridge, ready and waiting for high-stakes action. Yet most of us spend our sex lives on the stable, sturdy one -often without realizing it." (p. xi)
"Many men end up developing a sexual shorthand with their partners, a sex script that offers the path of least resistance to consistent gratification, one that reduces them to sexual automatons in which sex is familiar and routine. The orgasms may even be simultaneous, but they are emotionally and creatively hollow, no better in qualitative terms than the sexual release each partner could have had on their own." (p. 28)
"Sex had become reduced to its rote, physiological components, shorn of its emotional and psychological dimensions, narrowed down to a thin and predictable straight line: beginning, middle, and end." (p. 58)
"Whether in or out of the bedroom, couples need to create a sense of novelty. We need to throw away those old scripts and incite a true sense of discovery and surprise. Variety isn't just the spice of life; it's the very life blood of great sex." (p. 65-66)
Love Maps
"Psychologists commonly hold that, for both women and men, internal fantasies are drawn from our unique `love maps,' a term first coined in 1980 by Dr. John Money of Johns Hopkins University to describe `the sexual template expressed in every individual's erotic fantasies and practices.' In other words, our love maps describe the subconscious blueprint of our erotic desires. The love map lies at the root of our sexual preferences, explaining why we prefer one physical type over another and influencing our sexual fantasies and practices. Each of us has a distinctive love map, as unique as a fingerprint..." (p. 75)
...we often don't know our own love maps, which is why the expression of fantasy, especially via internal triggers that spring from our own imaginations, is all the more crucial: It's our only real way of knowing and sharing our sexual (identity). (p. 76)
"...explore your own and your partner's unique sexual love maps and figure out all the extraordinary, unpredictable ways the two connect and collide. Through this exciting and dynamic process of self-revelation, exploration, and discovery, you will find your mutual love map, a topography of fantasy and desire particular to you and your partner that can never be duplicated -and trust me, there's enough depth in those waters to support a lifetime of journeys over the shaky bridge." (p. 78)
"In the early stages of a relationship, natural chemicals fuel our feelings of infatuation. When those chemicals wane, these same glands help generate a chemical cocktail that produces feelings of comfort and attachment. As we move out of the infatuation phase and into the attachment phase, we literally have to trick our brains to 'light up again.'" (p. 83) I can't think of it as a "trick," as though all you can do is develop some sorry coping mechanism or stand-in of what you used to have. As you move out of the infatuation phase and into the attachment phase, use that attachment (that trust, closeness, intimacy) to take risks. Explore. Play.
The Ever Expanding Universe
"`How can I describe it?' Charlie began. `Well, it's like a few nights ago, I was watching this show about how the universe is expanding. Did you know that was Einstein's biggest failing? He thought the universe was static. So, when he finally did figure it out, he said it was the greatest blunder of his life. ... Well, I think that's the biggest blunder we make in our relationships -we assume things are static and don't let ourselves expand with the universe.'
"Suddenly, I thought of the woman on the shaky bridge. The psychologists who'd conducted that study went on to hypothesize that falling in love was a process of self-expansion, that first powerful bang when you're staying up all hours of the night talking and touching, getting to know each other's likes and dislikes, disappointments and aspirations. And it's not simply that you're falling in love with the other person; it's that it allows you to fall in love with yourself through their eyes as well, to rediscover yourself, to question who you are and what you want. And it all happens at such a frenetic speed, it's like an electric current recharging your brain." (p. 190)
"Sex is the ideal forum for expanding the boundaries of a relationship. But to do that you need to be committed to communication and discovery. Most of us want to let go, to experience the world through fresh eyes, through each other's eyes, just like we did when we were children, to reawaken that youthful spirit.
"...the sheer pleasure of letting go can be experienced in a concert of all the senses, which is not only sexually cathartic, but can be emotionally bonding in a way unparalleled by any other form of human interaction.
"You have to be able to welcome the fact that there will always be more to explore, more fantasies that evolve. And the relationship must be strong enough to bend and grow without breaking." (p. 191)
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The sole shortcoming of this book is its gimmicky-ness:
"I'm not about to give you an all-in-one, blow-by-blow (sorry, I couldn't resist) reference guide."
"With the 'rise' of Viagra, it looks like 'hard times' ahead for the female orgasm."
"Approximately 75 percent of men hang to the left (although clearly this lefty disposition doesn't translate at the polls)."
"From the scrotum, we continue our journey deeper into protected areas -hot zones that abut (no pun intended) the taboo."
...and that's just a tiny fraction of them.
Gift April 16, 2009
J. P. CARIA
0 out of 4 found this review helpful
I bought this as a gift and have not personally read it. But I have no complaints with the results from my woman reading it.
HOT BUT DRY April 12, 2009
T. Nadeem (Canada)
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
I would recommend this book to anyone. I was amazed at what I learned and just applying a few of the techniques in this book will maximize your and your partner's experience.
As the author conveys throughout the book, the secret to having an exciting relationship in the bedroom is to first have an exciting one outside of it.
I enjoyed this book, but didn't really feel that Dr. Kerner provided enough detail on the workings of the male body. The book seemed to lack depth and felt rushed along. A good jumping off point. It's easy to think from She Comes First that that's what this book is going to be about, but really it's just a small piece of a bigger idea.
Youporn Sex Positions 101 For Short and Long Penis - Spice Up Your Sex Life at Any Stage of Life - Strategic Tips To Drive Your Partner Wild in Bed
101 Chocolate Sex Positions: With An Ultimate Safe Sex Guide For Guaranteed Satisfaction At Any Age and Shape
 BETTER INSIGHT TO MAKING LOVE TO MEN March 29, 2009
MRS DW (FORT DRUM, NEW YORK)
0 out of 3 found this review helpful
WE THINK WE REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE ONE ANOTHER FEEL GOOD SEXUALLY.
BUT THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. (ALWAYS)
THIS BOOK GAVE ME A BETTER INSIGHT OF MAKING (LOVE) TO MY WONDERFUL
KING. THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 31
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