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Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence | 
 enlarge | Author: Esther Perel
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Category: Book
List Price: $13.95
Buy New: $7.56
You Save: $6.39 (46%)
New (40) Used (12) from $6.28
Rating:  35 reviews
Sales Rank: 8090
Media: Paperback
Pages: 272
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.3
Dimensions (in): 7.8 x 5.2 x 0.8
ISBN: 0060753641
Dewey Decimal Number: 155
EAN: 9780060753641
ASIN: 0060753641
Publication Date: November 1, 2007
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: New & Unread Book with Remainder Marked- May Have Slight Handling Wear From Bookstore Shelf- Instock For Immediate Shipping
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Product Description
One of the world's most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 30 more reviews...
 sensible practical insightful November 16, 2008
Dennis Argall (Australia)
I think that this book is better and more useful than reviews... always a good thing!
I come from a different culture, in Australia. I am also a person who would rather get guidance from reading widely in fiction and non-fiction and from trying to understand the world, than from so-called 'self-help' books which are often far from 'self-help' but seek dependency. So I approach books like this with trepidation. No trepidation about the subject matter, indeed with awareness that the core of many relationship problems is in difficulties discussing sex, difficulty connecting sex to love and life in mutually positive and growing positive ways, as is possible. Trepidation because I stop reading something that tells me how to think.
I received the book only days ago, I have skimmed all and read carefully in a few places. I suspect this will be the experience of many, unless used as a pillow book, which would be ok too. It has been constructive reading especially because it makes clear that one perspective may relate to this person, an entirely contrary perspective may relate to another. There is no one way through this wondrous field of human (and other species) endeavour.
The book encourages insight. ("Oh yes, I can see something here [about me, about this or that situation]." I would urge other readers to respond to the strength of argument not as being told what to do, but to strengthen themselves.
One section which was particularly valuable was that around page 130ff (see preview, search for parenthood, Stephanie) with a very real account of the complexities of relations between parents and children. In a world where more and more of us are seeking to make new links after partners lost, and where children must naturally be part of new and old relationships, there are observations here which are very helpful to navigation.
 Excellent...except for one part October 9, 2008
Elisabeth
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Because the author's ideas are provocative, this won't be an easy read. It wasn't for me, but it was highly enlightening as well. The author challenged all my beliefs about love and how relationships really work and I rather liked being challenged. She made me think in ways I had never before.
For example, her discussion on how desire needs distance, but intimacy needs closeness and how these two conflict with each other in long-term relationships is dead on! But the author believes, and I agree, that it's possible to achieve both even if it seems impossible. She explains how this is possible without cornering you into believing only one method is the right way. There is no right way. Instead she shows how couples have managed to achieve this in their own way and discusses the pros and cons of each.
I also appreciated her discussion on how sexual fantasies differ from everyday fantasies. If you fantasize about the perfect job or the perfect mate, it's because you want these things to happen in reality. However, if you have a sexual fantasy about being raped, it doesn't mean that you want this to happen in reality. There's an element to your fantasy that is your true desire and in your sexual fantasies, you are in complete control about how this plays out.
I don't want to give away all her secrets because that would be like giving away the ending to a really good movie.
So, if I'm so in love with this book, why would I only give it 3 out of 5 stars? It's because there's a part in the book where the author agrees with a client that it's respectful to withhold telling the truth about an affair. I've heard this argument before and I strongly disagree. I think it's disrespectful to decide for someone else (who's not your child) what they can and cannot handle. Withholding the truth is not about respect, it's about fear. If you told the truth, that person could leave you or retaliate in another way. By withholding the truth from them, you strip them of their choices in order to gain an unfair advantage over them. Lying to someone in order to keep them bound to you is not only selfish and controlling, it's also manipulative. It's just manipulation reframed in a positive way. And a surprising argument coming from an author who earlier was arguing against possessiveness. So, while I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of this book, this part left me cold.
Otherwise, I highly recommend this provocative, yet enlightening book.
A Lifesaver for Couples... August 18, 2008
Sarah E. Kyle (Austin, TX USA)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Perel's book is a must-read for couples in their relationships for the long haul. As a sex and relationship therapist, I highly recommend this read as a way for partners to better understand each other, and to revive the sparks they once felt.
Very nice, makes you think in the right direction June 13, 2008
OZ (WA)
Great book, I recommend it to anyone, even if you don't "need" to read it.
Written in a very nice, Sex-and-the-City-like, style. Explains a lot of things in a way you probably haven't thought of them before. Makes you think about yourself, your desire, your relashionship and how you may be damaging it.
A lifechanging book for women and men June 5, 2008
Gina Ogden
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Perel's message is that good intimacy doesn't necessarily lead to good sex. In fact, closeness can dull our sexual appetites if we abandon the need for excitement and adventure in the need for predictability, comfort, and safety. So the dilemma is (in her terms) how do we put the X back in sex?
I love that she doesn't offer us easy how-tos. She tackles the complexities of sexual desire as an art rather than a series of steps you can count and measure. As she relates stories from the partnerships she's encountered in her two decades as a therapist, she makes it evident that great sex is about much more than just frequency of intercourse--it incorporates all the emotional joy and angst that go into living together: honesty and deception, affairs, commitment, arguments, overwork, excitement, mythbusting, parenthood. Perel suggests we each create a secret garden where we can enjoy our unique erotic blooming. Reading this brilliant, graceful book will help you cultivate your garden.
The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion
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