Some people are just so driven that they actually create their own stress. Not only do they create stress for themselves, but for others around them. You can often observe this in parents of young children who are so busy projecting their dreams onto their children that they create a tidal wave of stress throughout the house. These people are so obsessed about being “the best” at everything that they lose sight of what life is about. They rarely enjoy their lives and make sure that their children also do not enjoy the lives they have, either. They can be found heading up PTA drives and in a dozen other activities. People often look at them with envy because they seem to have it all and are so ambitious. In reality, they have very little. Ambition is good – driving everyone around you nuts to validate your life because of personal insecurity, is not.
Take the example of Shirley. A corporate attorney for a large company, she expected no less than the best from all of her employees. She couldn’t understand why anyone would settle for anything less than perfection and became known as “Shirley the Slave driver” throughout the office. Shirley knew that this was the nickname that had been given her and didn’t care. She was proud of being a “perfectionist.” A perfectionist, by the way, is not a good thing to be. Because it has the word “perfect” in it, many people proudly call themselves “perfectionists.” It stems from gross insecurity. A perfectionist will never be satisfied with anything and will rarely be happy. Worse yet is the perfectionist who becomes a parent or a boss.
Shirley caused many of her employees to quit or ask for a transfer because of her incessant demands. Many of her employees considered themselves to be “under stress.” The more she demanded, the more stressed they became and it seemed to them that she was downright impossible to please.
In addition to being herself a major stress factor for her employees, Shirley was also a stress factor for her children and husband, of whom, of course, she expected “the best.” Her children felt compelled to excel in everything they did in order to please their mother. Her husband felt that Shirley was beyond being pleased and sought refuge in other women on occasion.
When the children were young, they were “exposed” too many different sports, each of which they were expected to excel. Shirley was never really athletic, so she projected her wish to be athletic onto her children. After work, she spent most of her time driving her children back and forth to various games and sporting events. Her friends marvelled at how much energy she seemed to have.
