The ideal marriage is a joining of strengths and a balance of weaknesses, not a demand that the other person makes you feel complete. You don’t need your partner to make you whole or happy, although I’m sure he does, you are coming to the alter in your own completeness.
Knowing your partners love language and speaking in that language to express your love is one of the most powerful practices you can do to create and maintain a connected union. I’m hoping he knows yours too and is speaking love in your language! Feeling truly loved creates a sense of security and confidence that is priceless.
I have asked various men and women, married and divorced, questions regarding their experiences in their relationships. I surveyed people over the last couple years as “research” for a book I was writing on the essentials for a healthy & happy life for BRIDES. That “book” turned into an on-line program, 12 WEEKS TO A FIT BRIDE!
The biggest complaint that I heard from both the men and the women were that they didn’t feel heard. The communication was either nonexistent or ineffective. Other complaints were the distractions from phones and computers, and their partners spending an exorbitant amount of time connecting and chatting with people on social media like Facebook.
Communication is important in your relationship, as it allows you to share concerns, feelings and aspirations, to support each other, and to make decisions. Good communication is about the way we talk and listen, and about our body language. It is a skill that we can learn how to improve, and well worth taking some time to become the best communicator possible.
Being an active listener will benefit you in all your relationships but especially important with your partner in life. Hearing is something that happens, listening is an active process in which a conscious decision to understand the message of the person talking. When someone is talking we tend to be thinking of what we are going to say in response instead of paying attention to what the other person is saying. Eye contact is one way to focus on what he’s saying versus being distracted and looking at other things.
Another point to keep in mind is that communicating your feelings in a KIND way is a BRIDE FIT RELATIONSHIP must. Most people, men especially, don’t read minds!
Disconnecting from electronics is important for your brain health as well as your relationship health.
Something that sticks out in my mind is what a happily married man I spoke to shared. He expressed to his wife the need to turn the phones off in the evenings after work. His wife’s constant checking notifications and texting friends was hurting their relationship. He said he believed their marriage would have ended in divorce if it continued. This is a great example of one partner expressing feelings and making a request known and the other partner actively listening and taking action versus being defensive. Giving up the need to win arguments and be right is something we need to do in order to be happy.
Keep it Simple, take the advice of my wise friend; wake up in the morning and ask yourself what you can do today to make your partner feel loved and special. With this intention your actions will be genuine and your partner will respond by reciprocating with the same desire to make you feel loved and valued.
By communicating your feelings and requests with kindness will yield positive results, I guarantee it! Being quiet and listening, not just hearing, when your partner is talking will take your relationship and connection to a much higher level. Giving up the need to be right (even though you more than likely are!) will result in more happiness and peace.
Find joy and comfort in daily routines like walking together, cooking together, cuddling in the morning, and greeting each other with a hug and kiss that linger a bit, are some examples of daily habits that create love, connection, desire and security. It’s the “everyday normal” that creates happiness, in the words of Bruce Lee, “The happiness that is derived from the ordinary life lasts longer; like coal, it burns gradually and slowly. Many young couples lead a very exciting life when they are in love. So when they marry, and their lives are reduced to calmness and dullness they will feel impatient and drink the bitter cup of a sad marriage.”
The planning of your wedding is a time filled with excitement and anticipation. The dream dress, the parties and celebrations, picking colors and venues, registering for new and fun things, honeymoon reservations, and the list goes on! Most brides only focus on the details of the day. That’s what sets you apart. You are the exceptional bride and not interested in the status quo, or you would not be reading this blog or going through my on-line program, 12 WEEKS TO A FIT BRIDE, which will give you the roadmap to become BRIDE FIT in your Body, Mind, Home & Relationship!