When you want to improve your skills or become better at something, what do you do? I’m guessing you Google the topic, read content and watch YouTube videos about it? While a lot of people will spend time learning to improve cooking skills, a golf swing or tennis serve, most people spend little to zero effort in learning about improving relationship skills. I don’t think you’re included in “most people” if you are reading this blog! You are not interested in the “status quo” or “mediocre” especially in your relationship!
Most are not aware that relationship skills are learned, not inborn. We learn how to function in relationships mostly by what we were exposed to growing up and our own personal experiences. This can be good and bad! I want to encourage you to keep learning about relationship skills that will keep your relationship with your fiancÃ© thriving.
Listening to podcasts like the Art of Charm , which expose you to top relationship scientists and experts and reading books like Love Cycles by Linda Carroll will make you Bride Fit in your relationship! As your Bride Fit coach, I want you to have an amazing relationship and extraordinary life! The world needs more happy & healthy couples!
Keep in mind that there are seasons in relationships and everyday is not going to be blissful. It’s important to be mindful about a few things when conflict or disagreements happen to bring the bliss back quick!
- Focus on yourself, not your partner. It’s easy to blame the other person when conflicts and stressful times happen. The truth is, change begins with you. You can control the way you react to what your fiancÃ© does or says. It shifts the dynamic of the situation even if he doesn’t change anything. I know this is not easy in the moment when emotions are flying, but taking some deep breaths and not having a knee-jerk defensive reaction can be really powerful.
- Stay open and relaxed. This may be the opposite of what usually happens in the midst of conflict. A common reaction is to fight, freeze or flee, according to Linda Carroll, relationship expert. Be mindful of what triggers these reactions and consciously respond to the conflict versus react to it. That means communicate how you are feeling in a kind way (that’s important). Know that what you may be assuming in your head is more than likely not what’s happening. When you are feeling defensive and angry the last thing you want to do is become vulnerable but by “showing your cards” the situation will shift from defensive to compassion.
- Connect. We can be angry and hurt but it doesn’t mean we cut off our connection. The secret to keeping your relationship strong under stress is to “deposit” into the “love account.” Listen, support, touch, apologize and appreciate. These actions may be the last thing you want to do but by keeping the connection, you’ll find the way forward even in the most difficult times.
I know these actions are simple but definitely not easy. Awareness is the first step and now you can be mindful when conflict occurs, keeping in mind that the goal is a happy & healthy relationship. That involves compassion, communication and compromise. Being open, connective and letting go of the need (or addiction) to be “right” is powerful!
Please leave your thoughts and comments below, they are always appreciated. Join me in my on-line course, 12 WEEKS TO A FIT BRIDE and learn how to get a Bride Fit body, mind, home & relationship!