A therapist’s book review of Boundaries Face to Face by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.

How do you put boundaries into your relationships?  This book outlines a combination of faith and practicality.  God wants us to have good relationships that are deep meaningful and lasting.  We all need to know the secrets for having healthy conversations and confrontations.  Many of us in growing up missed out on good examples of how to handle difficult conversations.  Maybe your parents handled behavior issues passively or addressed things with anger.  Not confronting an issue or overreacting are not ways to draw people closer together.

Setting boundaries with those you love is good for your health.  It is not wise to suffer in silence about behaviors we don’t like or needs that are not being met.  When we hold back truth our bodies suffer from holding that in.  This can lead to anxiety issues, depression or anger management problems, and can even effect our physical bodies.

It is important to make our wishes KNOWN.  What we want to happen and what we want to stop happening.  But every conversation needs to begin and end with love.  Our desire needs to be for healing the relationship.

Steps to a healthy confrontation:

Start with Self-evaluation. – We can see the problems in others versus what is wrong in our life.  We are all imperfect.

Check Your Motivation – The reason for this confrontation is love for one another, not to shame, not to attack, not to get vengeance.

Humble yourself first.  – Confess something about yourself where you have failed.

Confrontation generates movement. We tend to change when the pain to stay the same is greater than the pain of changing.  Tough conversations lead to change.  We will change or the other person or both.


Key Points

  • 1We need a support system of safe people.
  • 2Boundaries are not about controlling other people. Boundaries are about changing my behavior in reaction to others.
  • 3Start and end all conversations with love.

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